Utopian
04/16/10 12:48 PM
138.163.0.44
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CHAPTER 23: SAVED BY THE GRACE OF A BRASSIRE
________________________________________
The sun was going down. Chet’s Cyclops pounded forward as he personally lead his Milwaukee Brewers back into the fight. And Peel was right behind him, waiting to exploit or make a hole in the line if he had too. Chet wasn’t worried. He had promised Peel a week’s paid vacation at any topless bar he chose, and even promised to pay the tab for him.
All Peel had to do was wreck destruction on everyone before him.
The end was near.
________________________________________
Eggy was expertly blunting the attacks on her flanks, and was a sea of calm in and ocean of chaos. Her controllers worked furiously, ordering both small and large units alike to meet the pressure that Chet’s allies were bringing.
When the controllers shouted that a major assault was headed for the center of her line, she was surprised. Chet’s battle plan called for flanking attacks, with only diversionary attacks in the center. What was he up too?
It was a disastrous distraction. No one spotted the Hornet that was holding back behind the attack.
________________________________________
Chet’s elite troops smashed into the center. Within seconds it had disintegrated into a huge brawl that no one could hope to control. Chet knew it was time. He didn’t even bother to check on Peel. He didn’t need too.
________________________________________
Eggy was shouting for all reserves to move up. As the last of her units moved in to shore up what was left of the line, she gasped in horror at the image of a lone Hornet that was tearing apart every battlemech in its way. There was nothing she could do about it.
________________________________________
Watson and Dr. Bunsen had been debating the best way to provoke Lucy’s temper over the last few months. However, they couldn’t agree on the best way to do it, and it had led to many late night shouting matches.
When the attack had begun, they got into another argument over the subject. Right in the middle of this latest shouting match, Captain Furstenberg happened to overhear it.
All he said was “Leave that to me guys. Don’t sweat it.”
They dropped the issue.
________________________________________
Lucy couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was chaos! And Eggy’s troops were losing to boot. Then, her Thug’s targeting computer tagged Peel’s Hornet.
The time had come.
“Ok kids, move in! Drop that Hornet!”
Lucy’s lance rushed into the maelstrom, carrying Captain Furstenberg’s armored troopers on their backs. Just before losing a lock on Peel, the four troopers leapt into the sky, right into the middle of the fight.
They were laughing hysterically. Lucy was trying to figure out what was so funny when an enemy 85 ton Zeus stepped into her line of fire. She was just about to pull the trigger when Pete’s Owens crossed in front of her.
Painted across its back were the words “I love Lucy” and it was flying her bra from its antenna whip.
Lucy exploded. So did the Zeus. The Thug went berserk.
Captain Furstenberg loved it when a panty raid worked out so well.
It was game on.
________________________________________
Chet had been trading fire with a vaguely familiar Dervish when there was a shout over the radio. In the confusion of the fight, all he could make out was something about a Thug.
Wait a minute, the Thug isn’t available on Neveron!
Off to his left, he easily spotted it. It was the monster that just tore the arms of a Griffin and was using them to pummel a Catapult. A Vindicator tried to get closer to help. I didn’t. Its pilot ejected as something jumped away from its back.
Wait. Toads? Toads on Neveron? Uh oh. This can’t be good.
There was no control over the battle. Both Peel and Lucy had ended up crashing into opposite sides of the swirling line, causing each to break. As both combatants advanced through the line, it ended up swinging like a revolving door. In the very center however Chet stood his ground firing on every enemy in sight. The entire battle was literally revolving around him.
He had to admit later that he ended up with a huge case of vertigo.
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The center began to thin out. Captain Furstenberg’s men were leaping from mech to mech causing confusion by ripping off access panels and pulling emergency escape levers, yanking out circuit cards, and ripping wires out of their housings. The unknowing enemy pilots, most of whom didn’t see or flat out ignored these four armored troopers, suddenly wondered why their targeting computers were failing or who hit them hard enough to cause an automatic ejection.
Finally, both sides began to pull back a bit in order to reform. Chet found him self suddenly very alone and engaged with that vaguely familiar Dervish, and Enfield, and an Owens flying a bra from its antenna.
I wonder how that got there?
Chet knew he was in trouble. His Cyclops was a command version, and lacked the massive class 20 autocannon. And now he couldn’t call for help as some idiot was blaring bagpipe music over his radio.
Mattbuck had struck again.
The Dervish broke left. The Enfield broke right. He lost track of the Owens. He desperately began to backpedal in an effort to keep the two in front of him. And then he was falling. With a bone crushing crash to the ground, Chet’s Cyclops was on its back, tangled on top of the Owens. His systems were blaring warnings at him. He knew he was beaten. Chet surrendered.
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All eyes were now focused on the remaining two battlemechs on the field. A staggering Hornet, and a deranged Thug. No one moved to intervene. The entire planet was glued to the unfolding drama. The Hornet circled. The Thug wasn’t running. Holy void! Someone had the stones and the skill to stand up to Peel!
The Neveron Broadcasting Network would never see such high viewer ratings again in its history.
________________________________________
Lucy’s rage and Peel’s drunkenness had seemed to cancel each other out. So, it’s a battle of wits, eh? You’re on! She pushed her Thug forward, trying to get a lock. The Hornet stumbled out of the way.
Peel was a sip away from oblivion. Throughout the years of his drunken rampage, he had never even comprehended what he was doing, or how he had done it. And now he had met his match. Confusion registered through his haze.
Lucy was getting frustrated. That damned Hornet kept dodging her fire! She was out of missiles. And she couldn’t hit it at longer ranges. Screw it.
Lucy charged.
________________________________________
What happened next was surreal, yet anti-climatic. As the massive Thug pounded towards the Hornet, everyone within earshot swore they heard a resounding “DING!” The Hornet sagged, then collapsed. A column of smoke and fire shot from its head as Peel’s ejection seat rocketed him away to the safety of the attacker’s lines.
Peel had just fallen victim to his own random number generator.
________________________________________
Lucy just stared. She couldn’t close her jaw. That was it? Are you kidding? All this just to watch him get ejected like burnt toast? She was pissed.
Cheers erupted across half of Neveron. On the attacker’s side, there was stunned silence.
Then they ran like they never had before.
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Vindication
04/19/10 01:56 AM
216.114.110.47
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come on dont leave us hangin this is fantastic stuff
Old age and Treachery
will overcome Youth
and skill
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mattbuck
04/19/10 08:12 AM
95.148.186.221
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*sings Phil Collins*
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Utopian
04/19/10 05:05 PM
138.163.106.72
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CHAPTER 24: CLEAN UP! ISLE FIVE
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In the aftermath of the epic battle of Neveron, confusion was the norm. With the retreat of Chet’s Penguin Guards and Milwaukee Brewers, the Sword of Light and Word of Blake forces quickly signed a cease fire. Realizing that there were still dozens of opportunistic smaller factions out there, they quickly pulled back to defend their original territory. Not that it helped much. The HoC Alliance immediately began secretly funneling funds to those factions, which started what became known as the “Pseudo War”.
As you can imagine, WoB and SoL territory continued to rapidly shrink.
The DEST faction completely collapsed. The proud warriors from the Genyosha quickly snapped up their territory and confiscated all their equipment. Then, they were placed on double secret probation. They didn’t care. They threw a party and got wasted. At least they were smart enough not to order tacos this time. They showed up anyway and they had to foot the bill for it. They were too drunk to even tip the delivery guy.
Markon and his remaining warriors easily took back their nation. However, there wasn’t a normal guy left in the entire empire. And even though mangos were forever banned from FWLM territory, Markon suddenly found himself awash in women that wanted an actual man, not a bunch of overly sensitive wimps who wanted to talk about everything. In short, Markon had just become the luckiest guy on the planet.
Cerebrocide, the Refreshment with an 89% Fatality Rate™, was banned planet wide. Medical professionals and the scientific community furiously studied its effects in the search for a cure. The cure turned out to be bitter sweet. Doctors recommended at least 40 continuous hours of viewing programming on Jigglevision! The Inner Sphere’s Premier Adult Holovid Channel as well as a strict dosage of soured WoB Milk. Jigglevision stock soared. WoB territory continued to shrink as pissed off victims took it out on the Blakists.
________________________________________
Then there of course was the issue of what to do with Chet. No one could quite agree on what punishment was appropriate. Or even answer the question of if he should be cured of his metro sexuality. Finally, Eggy came up with a solution that everyone agreed on. He was sentenced to a spa staffed with midgets, had no clean towels, and was located in the middle of a sulfur spring. Within an hour he was begging for mercy.
He never did find out where Clan Rabid badger territory was located.
As for Peel, a massive search was started after the battle. But, even though his ejection seat was found, no one could locate him. And unfortunately, Chet’s army had managed to get off world as the defenders were mauled to the point of inaction.
Warnings were issued throughout the Inner Sphere. However, both the Penguin Guards and Milwaukee Brewers had effectively disappeared as well. There were scattered reports of a group of warships, shaped like beer kegs, making their way to the periphery. However, those leads ended up vanishing. It would take years to retrace their escape. No one was sure what happened to them.
________________________________________
The worlds of Rock Ridge and Eden’s End were quickly retaken by their parent governments. General Von Stuben was once again hailed as a hero upon his triumphant return from the hills. The first thing he did was throw Xavix into the brig. Then, he ran for governor. He won in a landslide.
________________________________________
Kinnison Quimbley and his assistant Voight were quickly arrested at CerebroCorp headquarters. Instead of deporting them to Cappellan space to face charges of copyright infringement, Eggy offered them a job. Within a week, sales of HoC brand Exploding Cigars had tripled. It always helps to hire the experienced marketing guy. The HoC Alliance began rapidly recovering from the disaster shortly thereafter.
________________________________________
That left Lucy and her crew. It was decided to award them the highest honors from each of the nations they had helped in the crisis. Finally, they would get their due rewards.
Lucy was just about finished with her makeup. Her hair was perfect. And as is usual with women attending swanky events, she was running late. Then again, she was taking every precaution. And it seemed Watson was finally taking a hint. He finally agreed to go as her “date” to the after party, once the ceremony was concluded. She finally was going to get her man.
Then, as she was getting into the hoverlimo, a gust of wind caught the hem of her dress just right. Embarrassed, she got in and slammed the door.
Arriving at the party, Watson opened the door and offered Lucy his hand. “You look wonderful, Lucy” he said. “By the way, where did you get those pearls?”
“They were a gift from Captain Furstenburg and his men.”
“He has good taste in jewelry I see.”
“He should, he stole them last month.”
Watson chuckled at that one. “I wouldn’t advertise that you know.”
“True, but then, we’re heroes. Who’s going to say anything?”
“True. So shall we make our entrance?”
“Lead on Mr. Watson. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
As they started to walk in to the party, Watson suddenly asked “By the way, where’s Pete?”
Lucy nodded her head over her shoulder, back towards the hoverlimo. “In the trunk.”
Trunk?
________________________________________
Once again, Pete had gotten an eye full when the wind hit Lucy’s dress. Lucy hit him over the head, tied him up with her pantyhose, and had then stuffed him in the trunk with a garden gnome.
Pete really hated gnomes.
________________________________________
Mavader sat in his ready room on his flagship. Next time. I’ll get you next time. But what do I do now?
He ordered tacos for lunch.
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Utopian
04/19/10 05:15 PM
138.163.106.71
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And there it is folks. In the 2+ months that I've worked on this, I came to realize that even though creative writing may be difficult, it's actually pretty fun. I didn't have a plan for this, nor an outline. I just kept making it up as I went. It was a great way to kill time as I transferred back to the states from Afghanistan.
There is just one pesky little item left, the title. I still haven't figured that one out.
I'd like to thank everyone I wrote into the story; for those non-neveron players, yes, everyone with the exception of the main characters are real people. And Peel and Chet actually do exist. And if you didn't know, Peel really is that bad. To find out how bad, please reference http://mattbuck.irongalaxy.com/mattbot/pball.html Warning, if your offended by harsh lauguage, well, go somewhere else. If your not laughing hysterically after reading it, then you need to go find a shrink.
Special thanks to Mattbuck for offering to host the complete story on his website; that should be made available in about a week as I make very minor spelling and gramatical corrections to the story.
Now this is your time folks, please leave you feedback and critsism, all is welcome.
Ciao!
Edited by Utopian (04/19/10 05:20 PM)
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mattbuck
04/20/10 05:29 AM
128.243.253.103
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The penultimate paragraph could have done with some extra.
I could do with some cheerios. I may have some somewhere, just can't find them :/
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KitK
05/01/10 04:41 PM
142.165.26.253
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It made me smile and laugh at times, even though I am not that familier with Nevron or its community. It was timely too, I needed the diversion.
To make the anti-climatic fight between Staxx and Peel even more anti-climatic maybe have Peel some how refuel her ire. Say Pete zips his Owens between them and Peel drunkenly mumbles something on the open freqency asking Lucy if those tiny tea cups belong to her. Then beef up their battle description before Peel's toaster pops him out.
KK
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Chetter
06/13/10 04:58 PM
74.70.24.18
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I love this story and endorse its creation. Any help with story line or logistics just call me or log into my empire and leave a messege LOL! 603.313.9997
Esau has been found guilty of the following crimes against the FMLL ; Sodamy, adultry, poligamy, buggery, public exposer, flashing the blind and finillay and most severialy becomeing a Methodist. We the jury condem him to a term of 3 months of partying at Niniba the capital of the FMLL.
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