Nightward
11/27/01 06:23 PM
203.134.12.8
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I got this as an e-mail a long time ago. Allegedly, it was posted on the MD website for a short time, until Admin found out about it and had it taken down.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnel Douglas Military Aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take the time to fill out the Warranty Registration Form below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but will help us to develop future products that will better meet your needs and desires.
1.
[ ] Mr.
[ ] Ms.
[ ] Mrs.
[ ] Lt.
[ ] Gen.
[ ] Comrade
[ ] Classified
First Name: …………………………………………………………………..
Surname: ……………………………………………………………………..
Codename: ……………………………………………………………………
Password (Max 8 Characters): ………………………………………………..
Latitude/Longitude/Altitude: …………………………………………………
2. What type of aircraft did you purchase?
[ ] F-14 Tomcat
[ ] F-15 Eagle
[ ] F-117 Stealth
[ ] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ……………………………………..
4. Serial Number: …………………………………………………………….
5. Please indicate how the aircraft was purchased:
[ ] Received as part of Gift/Aid package
[ ] Catalogue/Showroom
[ ] Independent Arms Broker
[ ] Mail Order
[ ] Discount Store
[ ] Government Surplus
[ ] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of our products:
[ ] Heard loud noise; looked up
[ ] Store Display
[ ] Espionage
[ ] Recommended by Friend/Ally
[ ] Political lobbying by Manufacturer
[ ] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase our product:
[ ] Style/Appearance
[ ] Speed/Maneuverability
[ ] Price/Value
[ ] Comfort/Convinience
[ ] Recommended by Salesperson
[ ] McDonnel Douglas Reputation
[ ] Advanced weapons systems
[ ] Kickback/Bribe/Backroom Politics
[ ] Negative experience facing one in combat
8. Please indicate where the aircraft will be used:
[ ] Iraq
[ ] North America
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Aircraft Carrier
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Europe
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Middle East (*NOT* Iraq)
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Africa
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Asia/Far East
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Miscellaneous Third-World Countries
[ ] Iraq
[ ] Classified
[ ] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products you already own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[ ] Colour TV
[ ] VCR
[ ] DVD Player
[ ] CD Player
[ ] Home Computer
[ ] BMW
[ ] Air-to-Air Missiles
[ ] Space Shuttle
[ ] Killer Satelite
[ ] Thermonuclear Warhead
10. Please indicate the description(s) that best fit your organisation:
[ ] American
[ ] Communist
[ ] Crazed
[ ] Terrorist
[ ] Neutral
[ ] Democratic
[ ] Dictatorship
[ ] Corrupt
[ ] Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your purchase:
[ ] Deficit Spending
[ ] Cash
[ ] Suitcases of Narcotics
[ ] Oil Revenues
[ ] Personal Cheque/Credit Card
[ ] Traveller’s Cheques
[ ] Ransom Moneies
[ ] Classified
12. Your occupation is:
[ ] Homemaker
[ ] Sales/Marketing
[ ] Clerical
[ ] Middle Management
[ ] Mercenary
[ ] Tyrant
[ ] Eccentric Billionaire
[ ] Defence Minister/General
[ ] Student
[ ] Retired
[ ] Classified
13. To aid us in better understanding our customers, please indicate the activities you enjoy participating in during your spare time:
[ ] Golf
[ ] Boating/Sailing
[ ] Gardening
[ ] Arts/Crafts
[ ] Wines/Drinking
[ ] Collectables
[ ] Fashion Clothing
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Household Pet Care
[ ] Defaulting on Loans
[ ] Propaganda/Misinformation
[ ] Destabilisation/Overthrow
[ ] Espionage
[ ] Border ‘Disputes’
[ ] Crushing Rebellions
[ ] Interrogation/Torture
[ ] Executing P.O.W.s
[ ] Mutually Assured Destruction
[ ] Classified
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this registration form. All of your answers are confidential, and will be used to aid our marketing department to better serve you, the customer-as well as enabling you to receive mail-outs and special offers from other arms companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for answering this survey, you are now part of our ‘Desert Thunder’ Sweepstakes to win a new F-117A Stealth!
Yea, verily. Let it be known far and wide that Nightward loathes MW: DA. Indeed, it is with the BURNING ANIMUS OF A THOUSAND SUNS that he doth rage against it with.
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