Nightward
11/27/01 06:25 PM
203.134.12.8
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I recieved this when George Bush and Al Gorre were suing each other for the Presidency. It's a bit anti-American, but still funny. Or so I think ;)
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a new President, and thus govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your Declaration of Independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second will immediately resume monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths, and other territories.
Except for Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (the Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP, for the 97.85% of you who were unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether or not any of you noticed.
To aid you in your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following instructions are to be instituted with immediate effect:
1. You should look up ‘Revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up ‘Aluminium’. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be surprised at just how incorrectly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up ‘Vocabulary’. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler sounds such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an inefficient and unacceptable form of communication. Look up ‘Interspersed’.
2. There is no such thing as ‘US English’. We shall notify Micro$oft on your behalf.
3. You should really learn to distinguish between the English and Australian accents. It is really not that difficult.
4. You should re-learn your original National Anthem, ‘God Save Our Queen’, but only after carrying out instruction #1. We would not want for you to get confused and give up half-way through.
5. Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as the good guys.
6. You should stop playing ‘American Football’. There is only one type of ‘Football’. What you refer to as ‘American Football’ is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that nobody else plays ‘American’ Football. You will no longer be allowed to play the game, and should instead take up proper Football. It is a difficult game; initially, it would be better for you to play with the girls. Those of you who are brave enough, may, in time, be allowed to play Rugby (which is similar to ‘American Football’, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing padded Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby 7s team by 2010.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using Nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were unaware that there was a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. ‘Merde’ is French for ‘Crap’.
8. July the Fourth is no longer a holiday. November the Seventh will be, though only in England. It shall be known as ‘Indecisive Day’.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and this is for your own good. You will understand when we show you German cars.
Than you for your co-operation.
Yea, verily. Let it be known far and wide that Nightward loathes MW: DA. Indeed, it is with the BURNING ANIMUS OF A THOUSAND SUNS that he doth rage against it with.
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Nightmare
11/27/01 07:10 PM
194.251.240.107
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Well, what do you expect. The guy who wrote it is a Dane.
A rather sarcastic and loud-voiced one too.
He originally posted it on the WhiteWolf forums around the
time for that election. At least I assume it was Vincent who
wrote it since he didn`t give credits to anyone.
Advice for Evil Overlords:
My legions of terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
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Nightward
11/27/01 09:35 PM
203.134.12.8
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No, that is quite OK. Everyone has their own opinions and the right to express them.
As I said, I found it funny. As the people who know me will be able to tell you, I am one of the most sarcastic people on the face of the planet. This is not helped by the fact that when I speak, I do so in a flat monotone, with no inflectin or change in pitch whatsoever.
If it offended you, I apologise. That was not my intent. I posted it so that people might get a laugh out of it.
Yea, verily. Let it be known far and wide that Nightward loathes MW: DA. Indeed, it is with the BURNING ANIMUS OF A THOUSAND SUNS that he doth rage against it with.
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Bob_Richter
11/28/01 03:35 AM
134.121.144.40
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Seen it.
Some of it is funny.
Most of it is not.
Particularly the idiotic notions about German vs American cars. I've driven enough German cars (and tried to REPAIR them) to know that they are crap too.
And, well, that "Aluminium" bit is even worse for the fact that the brits don't even bother to SPELL it in the same butchered way they pronounce it (like any of a number of words.)
As to American Football, it is indeed played outside the United States...at one time I was hearing of the World League of American Football. Football (that other game is SOCCER, properly, and I don't give a frak what the rest of the world wants to call it) is a fine game, very evolved and refined, as compared to rugby, which amounts to a schoolyard brawl between grown men over a kickball.
Of course, I could go on and on about other inaccuracies...and hell, I have nothing better to do.
Most of what is now America was never under any British authority. Thirteen colonies on the East Coast were. These thirteen colonies never sang any song called "God Save Our Queen" That would have been nonsensical in a time when England was ruled by a King. (The British national anthem changes with great frequency. The American anthem does not.)
-Bob (The Magnificent) Richter
Assertions made in this post are the humble opinion of Bob.
They are not necessarily statements of fact or decrees from God Himself, unless explicitly and seriously stated to be so.
:)
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Nightward
11/29/01 05:54 PM
203.134.12.8
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Whoa, whoa, calm down Sir.
As I said, I found it funny. At the time, in particular. For all of America's claims to be a democracy, the leadership of the county was decided in a courtroom rather than at the ballots.
I make no claim whatsoever to know about American history, other than what I have learnt through BattleTech novels (fragments about the Civil War, mostly).
As I understood it, most of America was settled by people from Eire, Alba, France, and Holland rather than Britain.
The English National anthem will not change when Charles ascends to the throne. For obvious reasons ;).
We too cal it 'Soccer' rather than 'Football'.
However, I stand by the comment of your 'Grid Iron' being a 'nacies game'. That is how it looks to us. Beefy guys wearing even beefier body armour to protect them lest they be tackled. Your players seem to take the season off if they brak their thumbs. Shane Webcke (a Brisbane Bronco) played the Grand Final with a borken arm. Several years ago, Trevor Gillmeister (also a Bronco) literrally crawled out of hospital to play for Queensland in the State of Origin decider. He had a badly damaged knee, infected by (and don't quote me on this, because I am a little hazy on the details) Golden Staph. and a host of other nasties. Allan Langer (yet another Bronco, can we see a pattern yet?) returned from England this year to play in the Origin, despite a badly damaged calf (I think) and will return to the Broncos next year.
For some reasons (not mentioning any names *THE NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS*) are wimps though. Ow, ow, I got head-highed. My kneck. i must have wiplash and crushed vertebrae. No penalty? No? OK, I'm fine...
And as for 'Aluminium' we do in fact both spell and say it that way. The same as many of our words. Eg: brisbane. It is, in fact, 'Briz-ban', not 'Breeze-bane' as Americans seem to believe.
I guess it was just a cultural thing. Since we were standing 'outside the cage' we could laugh at what the 'chimpanzees' were doing. If you said the smae sorts of things about Australia, I would probably not find it terribly funny. Unless, of course, it was well and sarcastically written.
In closing, try to get a hold of 'the last Continent' by Terry Pratchett, one of the world's best (in my humble opinion anyway) comedy writers. It is a great read and all of us Aussies love it, despite the fact that it pokes fun at our nation and all of our cultural icons. Ned Kelly. Beer. Vegimite. Skippy. Corrugated Iron. Bush Tucker. The list goes on. But it's a bloody good read.
And: "He who laughs last, did not get the joke."
Yea, verily. Let it be known far and wide that Nightward loathes MW: DA. Indeed, it is with the BURNING ANIMUS OF A THOUSAND SUNS that he doth rage against it with.
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Nightward
11/29/01 10:28 PM
203.134.12.8
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I am not trying to be antagonistic.
if I was trying to be antagonistiic, you would certainly know all about it.
However, this thread has certainly not shown me in a good light. It does seem as if I am criticisng your culture and so forth. As I said, I found it funny. Others may not.
I petition the 'Divine Moderators' to remove this post.
Yea, verily. Let it be known far and wide that Nightward loathes MW: DA. Indeed, it is with the BURNING ANIMUS OF A THOUSAND SUNS that he doth rage against it with.
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Bob_Richter
11/29/01 11:07 PM
134.121.144.40
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>>> For all of America's claims to be a democracy, the
leadership of the county was decided in a courtroom rather than at the ballots. <<<
Well, I wouldn't call it "leadership" exactly. More precisely "The occupancy of the White House and a rather large paycheck." But it wasn't the courts. They didn't decide any election, only misruled on a matter of law, as is their habit.
There should have been a recount, but (IIRC) it still would have favored George W. The fact that this is almost entirely due to the racist propensities and illegal conduct of certain Florida districts and a possible abuse of authority by Florida executives is entirely beside the point.
That election should serve as object lesson to the American people, not as a joke to the world at large. It is not funny, it is tragic. It should be downright FRIGHTENING that the most powerful nation on earth is ruled by an idiot puppet of (Christian, though they don't deserve the name) religious concerns and big business.
Fortunately, the boy's too busy playing Nintendo to do any serious damage. :)
The lesson for the American people is this: Our archaic system of voting and the electoral college are tragically flawed. The voters are uneducated and this whole Republic thing is therefore not working. Upgrade the polling system. Educate people. Only you can prevent this from happening again.
(not you, Nightward, the American people.)
>>>I make no claim whatsoever to know about American history,<<<
It's good to know that some foreigners are as ignorant of matters that concern them as we in America are. (Just Kidding.)
>>>As I understood it, most of America was settled by people from Eire, Alba, France, and Holland rather
than Britain. <<<
Depends on where you look and who you talk to. My ancestors were British. Fortunately, we've learned how to talk since then. :)
>>>The English National anthem will not change when Charles ascends to the throne. For obvious reasons
;). <<<
So it seems.
:)
>>>However, I stand by the comment of your 'Grid Iron' being a 'nacies game'. <<<
And here we part company. As far as the pros, you may well be right...but in high school...
First, that "armor suit" you're talking about isn't powered armor. It's big. It's heavy. In High School, it's ordinary acryllic. Sure, it's padded....but try hauling one of those things around (mine weighed in at about 80 lbs) and THEN call it a "nancies' game" Especially after you get your fingers stepped on by a sharp steel clete and then have to get up and REST on that hand until the next snap.
Second, in High School (at least) when we got injured, one of two things happened: If we could still think/walk straight, they "taped up" whatever happened to be injured and sent us out for the next play. Otherwise, they sent us to the hospital. I've seen some pretty severe concussions.
And, actually, that "armor" makes it worse sometimes. Two ways:
1 -- It gives you a feeling of invulnerability. You take stupid risks. You get hurt.
2 -- That 300 lb lineman that just hit you was (At that point) a 380 lb lineman. Unsurprisingly, that hurts more.
And while the stuff DOES protect from sharp impacts, there is little it can do about crushing force or torque. You're actually MORE likely to have your neck broken wearing the football helmet than without it.
Third, that rest in between plays....again, makes it worse. I, as a lineman, ended up colliding with other linemen, running backs, what have you, at FULL TILT every FEW SECONDS. Yeah. Sure. Really, a game for wimps.
Now, let me clue you into something. The NFL isn't real football, not in the strictest sense. It's about being showy and flashy. If it weren't, the linemen would use some technique, and they'd run the ball more. The college game is really much more interesting.
>>>
And as for 'Aluminium' we do in fact both spell and say it that way.<<<
My bad. I was under the impression you spelled it the same way everyone ELSE in the world does. Aluminum.
>>>It is, in fact, 'Briz-ban', not 'Breeze-bane' as Americans seem to believe. <<<
The point of having a phonetic language is so that you can LOOK at a word and immediately know how to pronounce it. English, in this regard, is a dismal failure.
Briz-bane. Why put the "e" there if you don't intend to use it?
>>>If you said the smae sorts of things about Australia, I would probably
not find it terribly funny.<<<
A lot of it WOULD have been funny, had the multiple horrendous atrocities against common sense, reason, and history not been committed. It was rather like making a Dodge joke at a Chrysler owners' convention.
And, honestly, it is the exclusive right of the citizens of each country to make fun of themselves. I get to make fun of Americans (but I do not, BTW, get to make fun of Texans, though that would be easier, unless they are my "President") you get to make fun of Austrailians. Everybody's happy.
-Bob (The Magnificent) Richter
Assertions made in this post are the humble opinion of Bob.
They are not necessarily statements of fact or decrees from God Himself, unless explicitly and seriously stated to be so.
:)
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Nightmare
11/30/01 12:32 AM
194.251.240.107
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<<<That election should serve as object lesson to the American people, not as a joke to the world at large. It is not funny, it is tragic. It should be downright FRIGHTENING that the most powerful nation on earth is ruled by an idiot puppet of (Christian, though they don't deserve the name) religious concerns and big business. >>>
Well, it could be more frightening. The American Democracy still exists, that`s why the election wasn`t decided by who got the most tank divisions moving. Or who sent the marines
to occupy Washington DC.
<<<My bad. I was under the impression you spelled it the same way everyone ELSE in the world does. Aluminum.
>>>
??? Aluminium. It`s not that hard to spell it right.
And as for making fun of your own country, I`ll hereby start by making fun of the little corner of Europe known as Finland.
JOKE: A Finn, a Frenchman and a German were selected to
write a book about elephants. They decided to write on their own and then see who had the best angle on the subject. After the allotted time, they met and looked at what they had managed to do. The German had a massive volume titled "Pachyderms: an exhaustive study". The Frenchman put forth a thick book titled "The love life of the elephant". The Finn had managed to write up a small book with the title "Elephants: what DO they think about Finland?"
Advice for Evil Overlords:
My legions of terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
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Bob_Richter
11/30/01 12:47 AM
134.121.144.40
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>>>Aluminium. It`s not that hard to spell it right.<<<
Ah. Pardon.
Again, I am in error.
Aluminum is only the correct spelling, not the common one.
It was changed only to correspond with the 'ium' ending of other elements. This change caught on everywhere....even in the United States, before some schmucks at the American Chemical Society decided to set the spelling (and pronunciation) right.
>>>The American Democracy still exists,<<<
It's not a Democracy, man, it's a Republic! and a constitutional one at that!
-Bob (The Magnificent) Richter
Assertions made in this post are the humble opinion of Bob.
They are not necessarily statements of fact or decrees from God Himself, unless explicitly and seriously stated to be so.
:)
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Nightmare
11/30/01 05:29 AM
194.251.240.107
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>>>The American Democracy still exists,<<<
<<<It's not a Democracy, man, it's a Republic! and a constitutional one at that!>>>
So I should have written "democracy still exists in the USA".
Big deal.
Advice for Evil Overlords:
My legions of terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
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Cray
11/30/01 08:13 AM
204.245.128.108
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Yeah, seen it before. Good for a chuckle.
Mike Miller, Materials Engineer
Mike Miller, Materials Engineer
Disclaimer: Anything stated in this post is unofficial and non-canon unless directly quoted from a published book. Random internet musings of a BattleTech writer are not canon.
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