Bearer
04/14/02 07:47 PM
194.125.156.188
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A bit of class satire from the “Fifth Column” section of AP/RN…
AXIS TO GRIND
Our foreign correspondent, Shay Guevara, reports exclusively on an international backlash against George W Bush’s designation of Iran, Iraq and Japan as “The Axis of Evil”.
Speaking to us somewhere near the Afghan/Pakistan border (well, outside Tesco’s in Dun Laoghaire, which isn’t that far from the Holyhead ferry actually), he writes:
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil”, Libya, China and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil”. This, a spokesperson said, would be way more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Diplomats from Syria denied that they were jealous over being excluded, although they did concede they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
“They told us it was full”, said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “An Axis can’t have more than three countries”, explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule: it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake (ours is wicked and cool).”
AXIS ALL AREAS
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geo-political chairs.
Cuba, Sudan and Serbia said they had formed “The Axis of Somewhat Evil”, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar/Burma in “The Axis of Sporadically Evil”.
Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established “The Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable But Acceptable to America”.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called “The Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics”.
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed “The Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America”.
The British Conservative Party failed in being registered as “The Axis of Nations That Are Quite Fond of Sheep in a Deep and Meaningful Manner”, purely on the grounds that political parties are not allowed to enter on their own.
Regards,
Bearer
"Respect my atoratay!"
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